There are many questions in life that spark impassioned debate and discourse. One such question is:

Should the toilet paper roll off the top or bottom of the roll when placed in a toilet paper holder?

Using the powers of logic and reasoning, I intend to answer to this age-old debate.

We will get things rolling by asking another question:

What is toilet paper used for?

Among the more obvious and messy answers, toilet paper is used for wiping one’s bum… but is this the <em>only</em> use? Once one looks beyond the primary (and secondary) use of toilet paper, one finds that toilet paper is a veritable cornucopia of use. From cleaning rags to notepads, to shaving cut repairs and Halloween decorations, the uses of the toilet paper roll are endless.

One such use for toilet paper is to blow one’s nose. The toilet paper roll is the unsung hero of the cold and flu season. Long after the Kleenex box has been emptied, the toilet paper rolls on.

This brings me to my next question:

Have you ever blown your nose with toilet paper?

Of course you have! It is here, where you will find the answer to our over/under question. Have you ever gone into a bathroom looking to find a Kleenex only to find that you must resort to using toilet paper? After searching frantically and finding no Kleenex on the counter, you turn toward the toilet paper roll looking for nasal reprieve. STOP! This is where the argument ends and the nose blowing begins. If the toilet paper rolls off under the roll, the person searching for the tissue wastes valuable time and energy by having to look underneath the roll to find the end of the roll. Not only does the person with runny nose lose valuable time, they increase their changes of an errant drip while having to lower their head to find the much-needed tissue paper. Imagine the implications, the story runs on…

Now, let us consider an alternate (and less messy) course of action. What if the person searching for the tissue was able to immediately spot the end of the roll on top of the toilet paper roll while keeping their head high? They could immediately reach for the top of the roll, grab the desired amount of toilet paper and complete their nose-blowing task with the least amount of time and investigation. Imagine now, how the world has become a better place.

So here is the answer to the roll off the top or roll off the bottom of the toilet paper roll question:

The toilet paper should roll off the top of the roll… unless you have a Kleenex Box available.

Next philosophical question to tackle: Should I fold or should I scrunch?